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When the story surfaced that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, families grappling with a loved one’s substance use are concerned the discussion will center on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the far more common dangers of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehabilitation and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how powerful you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a violent crime like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be perfectly happy one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of illness, you can get over this disease, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they loved him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”